She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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