Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
