He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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