I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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