Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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