dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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