Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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