Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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