I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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