Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
