some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
