sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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