So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
