did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
