I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
