You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
