You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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