whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
worst night to have a conscience
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
