why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
