so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize