shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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