is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
