I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
