Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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