another moral hangover. fuck.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
