dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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