I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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