the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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