True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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