Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
