ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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