you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Two words: nipple clamps
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