Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
