Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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