we have pet lesbian snakes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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