I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
