I wish I could punch you in the face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
