u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
