But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
