margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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