Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My penis needs a shock collar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
