Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
