The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
