Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  i would punch a child for taco bell

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  (706): i would punch a child for taco bell http://tfl.nu/lkky
  Replies (41) Good night (5611) Bad night (1055)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (5031) Bad night (556)
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  (714): View more from California

  she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.

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  (714): she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt. http://tfl.nu/52xp
  Replies (12) Good night (678) Bad night (3004)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

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  (607): I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked. http://tfl.nu/k09k
  Replies (12) Good night (4804) Bad night (887)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.

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  (515): Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas. http://tfl.nu/4rik
  Replies (59) Good night (2219) Bad night (6886)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

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  (308): Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies. http://tfl.nu/eijo
  Replies (20) Good night (8004) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.

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  (608): I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter. http://tfl.nu/xqss
  Replies (13) Good night (3624) Bad night (1748)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.

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  (978): He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore. http://tfl.nu/4chi
  Replies (10) Good night (769) Bad night (4697)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?

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  (360): I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/rwph
  Replies (19) Good night (1610) Bad night (5024)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.

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  (717): I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both. http://tfl.nu/vzdh
  Replies (4) Good night (1011) Bad night (2121)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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  (949): I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled. http://tfl.nu/99xj
  Replies (5) Good night (1548) Bad night (1104)
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  (365): View more from

  James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.

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  (365): James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations. http://tfl.nu/tgs7
  Replies (9) Good night (2065) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

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  (919): Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma http://tfl.nu/tsev
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...

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  (951): Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car... http://tfl.nu/h8rj
  Replies (0) Good night (406) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit

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  (610): He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit http://tfl.nu/33or
  Replies (0) Good night (715) Bad night (297)

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