Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.