I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.