the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright