I faked an abortion last night.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.