Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.