I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.