I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
