im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
