I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
