i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
