I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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