he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
