arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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