I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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