Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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