You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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