update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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