I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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