Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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