On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Watching her eat just hurts me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
