to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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