saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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