he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
