In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
