I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
